Relationship is not a glass – it can be fixed

Sujata was suspicious of her husband. Sumit’s coming late from work, not showing up for his 3-year old daughter’s play at school, quietly speaking on the phone to a “colleague”, not leaving his mobile phone behind at dinner table, he showed all the signs. And finally Sujata’s suspicion was confirmed. She read Sumit’s text messages to his colleague,  Virali, which were more than just “official” messages.

For a month, Sujata kept planning on how to walk out of the marriage. But something kept her from taking the major step. After a lot of thinking, she decided to give Sumit a second chance. After all, he begged her to stay. He promised to mend his ways, to stop talking to that colleague. He even offered to change his job. But it was their daughter for whom Sujata decided to stay back.

But now the big question was – where to take the relationship that was at a crossroads. Should she stay in just for their child, or should she work towards fixing the relationship?

There is never an easy answer.

Many people, many ways. However, here’s some relationship help. Relationships are not like glass that can’t be fixed once broken.  Of course, it is not easy to fix a broken relationship. It is also easy to assume that the one who cheats has to take the first step, has to go out of their way to make amends, has to show extra love and care. The reality is far from that.

Advice on relationships for women

Both partners have to take special steps to heal the broken relationship. Both have to find ways of rekindling the lost love. However, the one whose trust has been betrayed finds it more difficult to contribute towards the relationship. When it is needed, it can be beneficial to talk to a marriage counselor who has an online psychology degree.

Also, if you have drifted apart subtly and gradually over a period of time, it is relatively easy to get back together, unlike in Sujata’s case.

For Sujata, it is going to take a lot of effort and patience for both partners to rebuild trust and grow fonder together.

Both partners will need to make an honest evaluation of where the relationship is leading. They need to reflect on things that brought them together in the first place. They will have to look at things at stake if this relationship did not work out. Of course, if children are part of a marriage, they are even bigger part of a break-up. However, children alone can’t be a reason to be together.

Do you really think you have a chance to happiness in the relationship? If the answer is an overwhelming ‘yes’ then you can go all out to save the relationship.

Trust your gut instincts to guide you in this difficult time.

Relationship advice for men

It takes a lot of time for women to trust men. For women, there’s a lot at stake when it comes to relationships which are always long-term. Once that trust is broken, it is going to take even longer time to gain back your woman’s trust than it did the first time. Go slow.

Take your time. Often the trust is built through small gestures and indirect signals. Show interest in your woman. Notice her clothes, her new shoes, and her new eye-liner. Flist with her. Show her how irresistible she is to you.

Sanjiv Gupta is a leading relationship consultant based in Guwahati, India