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Relationship is not a glass – it can be fixed

Sujata was suspicious of her husband. Sumit’s coming late from work, not showing up for his 3-year old daughter’s play at school, quietly speaking on the phone to a “colleague”, not leaving his mobile phone behind at dinner table, he showed all the signs. And finally Sujata’s suspicion was confirmed. She read Sumit’s text messages to his colleague,  Virali, which were more than just “official” messages.

For a month, Sujata kept planning on how to walk out of the marriage. But something kept her from taking the major step. After a lot of thinking, she decided to give Sumit a second chance. After all, he begged her to stay. He promised to mend his ways, to stop talking to that colleague. He even offered to change his job. But it was their daughter for whom Sujata decided to stay back.

But now the big question was – where to take the relationship that was at a crossroads. Should she stay in just for their child, or should she work towards fixing the relationship?

There is never an easy answer.

Many people, many ways. However, here’s some relationship help. Relationships are not like glass that can’t be fixed once broken.  Of course, it is not easy to fix a broken relationship. It is also easy to assume that the one who cheats has to take the first step, has to go out of their way to make amends, has to show extra love and care. The reality is far from that.

Advice on relationships for women

Both partners have to take special steps to heal the broken relationship. Both have to find ways of rekindling the lost love. However, the one whose trust has been betrayed finds it more difficult to contribute towards the relationship. When it is needed, it can be beneficial to talk to a marriage counselor who has an online psychology degree.

Also, if you have drifted apart subtly and gradually over a period of time, it is relatively easy to get back together, unlike in Sujata’s case.

For Sujata, it is going to take a lot of effort and patience for both partners to rebuild trust and grow fonder together.

Both partners will need to make an honest evaluation of where the relationship is leading. They need to reflect on things that brought them together in the first place. They will have to look at things at stake if this relationship did not work out. Of course, if children are part of a marriage, they are even bigger part of a break-up. However, children alone can’t be a reason to be together.

Do you really think you have a chance to happiness in the relationship? If the answer is an overwhelming ‘yes’ then you can go all out to save the relationship.

Trust your gut instincts to guide you in this difficult time.

Relationship advice for men

It takes a lot of time for women to trust men. For women, there’s a lot at stake when it comes to relationships which are always long-term. Once that trust is broken, it is going to take even longer time to gain back your woman’s trust than it did the first time. Go slow.

Take your time. Often the trust is built through small gestures and indirect signals. Show interest in your woman. Notice her clothes, her new shoes, and her new eye-liner. Flist with her. Show her how irresistible she is to you.

Sanjiv Gupta is a leading relationship consultant based in Guwahati, India

Bollywood Relationships

I don’t need to be on talk show to prove my goodness – Bipasha

Outraged by new rumours about her private life, Bollywood actor Bipasha Basu has lashed at media outlets for sensationalising her relationships.

“What happens between two people is supposed to stay between the two when its over,” says the actor on Twitter.

“That’s the dignity that I have grown up with and the respect I deserve.

Bipasha refuses to use media to clarify her relationship status.

“I don’t need to be on a talk show two prove my goodness!”

John and Bipasha Basu shared one of the longest off-screen bonds in Bollywood

At the same time, she confirms that her boyfriend John Abraham and she are not together any more.

“My relationship with John Abraham is over for good, for reasons known best to the both of us.”

After being in one of the longest lasted relationships in Bollywood, John and Bipasha split after a decade of romance.

Bipasha feels that the rumours are a publicity stunt for a new movie.

“My break up happened almost a year ago! Why are these stories coming up now? Is it a PR exercise for a film or overi-maginative journalism?

Bipasha is not taking well to the rumours. “Waking up to stories about my life everyday is no fun! Making me sound tragic when I am in a happy place is not okay with me!

While John discussed intimate details of his relationship on national television recently, Bipasha has gone back to Kolkata to be with her family as she tries to cope with her broken relationship.

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US Hindus have highest education, lowest divorce rate

Hindus living in the United States have the highest educational qualification and the lowest divorce rate, according to a recent survey.

While national average is 11 percent, almost half of all Hindus (48 percent) in America have post-graduate degrees, followed by Jews at the second place at 35 percent, according to the US Religious Landscape Survey of American adults by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life.

US President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama greet young dancers at a Diwali lamp lighting in Mumbai

Hindus account for less than one percent of the US population, and nearly eight in ten Hindus are born overseas.

The survey also found that Hindus have second highest income levels in the country, second only to Jews. While only 18 percent Americans earn more than $100,000, as many as 43 percent of Hindus come in the high income categry as compared to 46 percent of Jews and 28 percent of Orthodox.

When it comes to relationships, Hindus again top the list, as a group that’s most likely to be married, and least likely to be divorced.

Three in four Hindus (79 percent) are married, while the national average is 54 percent. Only 5 percent Hindus are divorced or separated – lowest rate in the US., while the national average is 12 percent.

Among the widowed, Hindus are lowest at 2 percent followed by Muslims at 3 percent.

Hindu statesman Rajan Zed, in a statement in Nevada (USA) today, congratulated the Hindu community in America for continuing with the traditional values of hard work, higher morals, stress on education, sanctity of marriage, etc., amidst so many distractions.

Nearly 79 percent of the survey’s 35,000 respondents identified themselves as Christians.

More than 80 percent of Indians living in India are Hindus.

 

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Man accused of burning wife to plead not guilty

A Fijian man accused of burning alive his wife in New Zealand is said to not plead guilty when he is brought up in a New Zealand court.

The 29-year old Diwesh Kumar Sharma, of Indian descent, who was earlier arrested from Fiji by New Zealand Police, appeared in the Hamilton court.

Ranjeeta Sharrma, 28, was burnt alive by her husband Diwesh Sharma, 29, in New Zealand.

His wife, 28-year old Ranjeeta Sharma, was set on fire in an attack and died on the side of a Huntly road in January this year. She was cremated in her hometown of Nadi in Fiji.

Just a day after Ranjeeta’s body was found, Diwesh absconded to Fiji with his four-year-old son. He was soon detained by Fiji police and was brought back to New Zealand by Hamilton detectives.

He was sent to a mental health facility for a psychiatric check up, and his lawyer told reporters that Diwesh was fit to plead in the court.

The lawyer, Roger Laybourn, also told reporters that Diwesh intends to plead not guilty.

The couple’s four-year old son is being looked after by relatives in Fiji.

Ranjeeta had come to New Zealand only five years ago and was working as a nurse at Auckland’s Middlemore Hospital.

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Thinking of marrying an Indian man? read on

While many NRIs come to India looking for an Indian bride or groom, Indian women need to be aware of the finding of a recent study about the sexual preferences of Indian men.

As many as 25 percent men have committed sexual violence and 20 percent have admitted to have forced their wives or partner to have sex.

These are some of the disturbing results of a survey – International Men and Gender Equality Survey conducted by Washington-based International Centre for Research on Women and Instituto Promundo in Brazil.

Indian men have fared even worse than tribal-based communities of Rwanda. Less than two in 100 Brazilian males and less than 9 in 100 men in Chile, Croatia, Mexico and Rwanda have committed sexual violence, according to the survey of men in six developing countries.

The researchers interviewed 8,000 men and 3,500 women, aged 18 to 59, from these countries.

Only 17 percent Indian men qualified to the ‘highly equitable’ (gender-just) category, according to a report in the Times of India. The percentage was the lowest for this category among the six countries, the news report added.

Further disturbing findings about Indian men revealed that two in three Indian men believe that women should tolerate violence to keep the family together and that women sometimes deserved to be beaten, the news report added.

The survey also reveals an intriguing criminal side of Indian men. While Indians ranked high on the sexual and physical domestic violence, they were under-represented in crime in society.

Only 4 percent Indian men had participated in robbery and 7 percent had been involved in fights with weapons, compared to 36 percent men in Croatia and 22 percent in Brazil.

“Indian men are far more traditional, to put it mildly. Even young, educated men are not changing as rapidly as women. They are still living in the old ages,” Ravi Verma, director of ICRW’s Asia regional office in Delhi, told the Times Of India.

These findings are concerning for overseas Indians – both men and women, who often visit India for a suitable wife or husband.

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Sam Arora to support same-sex marriage

Sam Arora has now changed his mind. The Maryland Delegate who was a strong suppoert of marriage equality is expressing his concern for the same-sex marriage bill.

“I have heard from constituents, friends, and advocates from across the spectrum of views and have thought about the issue of same-sex marriage extensively,” he said in a statement.

“I understand their concern—this is a very serious issue, and one that many people feel passionately about. As the vote drew nearer, I wrestled with this issue in a way I never had before, which led me to realize that I had some concerns about the bill.

“While I personally believe that Maryland should extend civil rights to same-sex couples through civil unions, I have come to the conclusion that this issue has such impact on the people of Maryland that they should have a direct say.

Sam Arora

“I will vote to send the bill to the floor because it deserves an up-or-down vote. On the floor, I will vote to send the bill to the governor so that Marylanders can ultimately decide this issue at the polls. I think that is appropriate.”

If the bills go through, both sides in the debate will expect opponents to take advantage of a provision in Maryland law. The law allows citizens to petition the new law onto the ballot.

Arora’s experience in government includes positions in the U.S. Senate and clerkships with the criminal appellate division of the U.S. Attorney’s Office and Maryland Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler.

Under Gansler, Arora published resources for Maryland non-profit organizations to navigate the State’s legal requirements and helped prepare legislation to ban the sale of the hallucinogenic drug Salivia divinorum in Maryland.

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Will I get pregnant while on the pill?

By Shalini Samravat

Can I get pregnant when I am taking a birth control pill?

That’s one of the main questions Indian women ask their doctor or gynaecologist.  The answer is yes. No birth control method is fool-proof. Having sex while on the pill can lead to pregnancy, though the chances are very low. In fact, most contraceptive pills are effective about 99.5 percent of the time. Which means, only 1 in 200 instances of intercourse can lead to conception.

These statistics also mean that a woman can get pregnant even when she has followed all the instructions given by the pill-maker.

However, if you don’t follow the instructions closely, there are higher chances of you getting pregnant. This increases your chances of getting pregnant by up to 5 percent. In other words, 5 in 100 instances of sex can result in pregnancy. However, many studies show a varying degree of failure rate.

The bottom line is that you can pregnant while on the pill, and it may not be entirely your fault. Your husband, family or friends might think that you did not take the pills properly. However this is not the case.

What are the common mistakes?

Forgetting to take the pill is one of the surest way of getting pregnant on birth control. It is one of the worst side effects of the birth control pills.

This is particularly possible in the first few days of the cycle.

The second common reason is that the pill never stays in your stomach. You might be experiencing diarrhoea and the pill is thrown out of your body.

In such an instance, please check the instructions on the pill. You may want to opt for some other means of contraception in the meantime.

The third possibility is other medication. If you are taking other medication, it might affect your birth control and may get you pregnant.

Many Indian girls use birth control to stop period pain or migraines. This is not the best possible way to deal with period pain.  Consult your doctor in such instances.

How to find out if I am pregnant

There are many ways to know if you are pregnant. However, the most common way is when you miss a period. That’s the first sign.

You might also experience symptoms of pregnancy, such as vomiting, camping and soreness in breasts.

There are plenty of home tests options available. Ask your chemist or pharmacist.

Editor’s note: This article is for information only, and should not be used as medical advice. Please consult your doctor